With a heavy heart I report that circumstances have forced me to make the following formal request to my manager.

“Dear R,

To increase my ability to interoperate with N’s work and to maximise conformity in the department, may I request that my computer be switched to an Apple.

Regards,

Ben”

I hope my choice of words silently expresses my feelings on the matter.

N joined us a year ago on condition he would get a Mac. And he’s very good with it; but he will go and design stuff with all those fancy Apple fonts that I can’t match. Meaning I can’t work on it myself.

And R has now upgraded changed over himself. He has had a full 24 hours with his Apple and not yet head-butted the screen. I am really out of excuses.

The phrase “glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults” continues to come to mind.

At least the version of Office I’ll be getting – I’ve checked – still looks like the old type. I take consolation where I can.

Bah.