Worth £35 of anyone’s money

[Previous posts here and here]

So, names can be named. Back in February I mentioned an individual living north of Watford who was under investigation for suspected eBay fraud. My involvement was that I was one of the ones he defrauded, to the price of one boxset of Battlestar Galactica, third series.

Then things went quiet …

Until today. From DC957 Rich Clarke, Doncaster Reactive CID:

“On the 20th May 2009, the suspect in this case Ryan HERRING was charged with 6 specimen charges of “Fraud by False Representation” and wishes to take another 408 offences into consideration. His first court appearance will be on Friday 29th May 2009 at Doncaster Magistrates Court.

Basically, Mr HERRING has made full admissions to his fraud activities over the last 2 years and has created a number of Ebay Accounts resulting in the advertising of 1000’s of items and the subsequent sales where you’ve become victims. In view of his admissions the Crown Prosecution Service decided to charge initially with 6 specimen charges that cover the full 2 year period and too allow other offences to be taken into consideration. Based on the replies I received via email from yourselves I have completed a schedule to include the 408 similar offences to be taken into consideration.

I have spoken to the complainants in relation to the 6 charges and so if you havn’t received a telephone call from me in the last 2 days, assume that your complaint is one of the 408 other offences.”

Render therefore to all their dues, and all that.

One more reason Skynet won’t work

So, I needed to photocopy multiple copies of a manuscript that included blank pages. The helpful photocopier saw that I was trying to copy blank pages and concluded I obviously didn’t really want to do that, so left the blank pages out. Result: pagination all mixed up in the multiple copies.

I had to copy another manuscript. This time I was cleverer. I wrote BLANK in large, friendly letters on the blank page. The copier still couldn’t quite believe I wanted to waste valuable time, paper and toner on a page with BLANK scrawled on it and so again left the blanks out.

Please will machines stop trying to be helpful. It really doesn’t help.

Of Time Lords, Trek and Thylacines

Oscar Wilde wasn’t a science fiction fan as far as we know. I’m guessing he would be into the more character-driven stuff than nuts-and-bolts, if he were.

But he nailed fandom on the head very nicely:

Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

The kiss of death to any successful series is to let the fans get hold of it because they will love it to death, smothering any spontaneous creativity with layer upon layer of continuity, rigidly codifying throwaway one-off lines into immutable canon. Thus two 40-year-old TV series, Dr Who and Star Trek, which started in a blaze of unfettered creativity, were both nigh on unwatchable by the end. Star Trek in particular couldn’t run a single scene without a very comprehensive checklist of fan boxes being ticked.

(Dr Who was in almost continuous production from 1963-1989. Trek started later and was more on-and-off – but if you add the original series @ 3 years + 3 spinoffs @ 7 years each + 1 spin-off @ 4 years it actually beats the Doc. And that’s not to mention the 10 feature films.)

So when Dr Who was revived, Russell T Davies did it about the only way he could: after an unspecified period and number of regenerations had passed since the last outing, during which time the Time Lords and most established Who history had been wiped out and suddenly everything was up for grabs again. Sadly the initial impetus really hasn’t lasted – tendrils from the past began to reach across the gap almost at once and now the two are almost one again. All it will take will be the miraculous reappearance of the Time Lords – which would disappoint but not surprise me in the least – and the work will be complete.

I doubt JJ Abrams consulted Mr Davies, so his revival of Star Trek was done the same way Tasmanian Tigers looked like dogs. Convergent evolution in a similar environment. He starts at the beginning, he wipes out the Time Lords whoever and suddenly everything is up for grabs. Bonzer.

Yes, the film is fun – the best cinematic Trek offering for a long time. About a decade, in fact. That said, I hope it doesn’t spark a new series. Trek has reached retirement age. The Enterprise is snazzy, and respectful of the original design, and takes into account modern technology – inanimate surfaces suddenly providing computer interaction, for example. So it should keep everyone happy. But the days of a bridge full of personnel, even if they are all equipped with the latest Apple technology, staring earnestly at screens showing lots of stars are gone. I confidently expect that the order won’t be “set course of Delta Vega”, it will be “ship, we’d like to go to Delta Vega, please”. And the ship may need persuading. The future of starship navigation won’t be Sulu and Chekov, it will be Eddie the Shipboard Computer. Hi there!

(Why do they build starships in the middle of Iowa anyway? Wouldn’t orbit be more logical?)

The cast convincingly play young versions of the originals, especially McCoy, who lacks the southern accent but is still secure in the knowledge that he’s a damn good doctor and out of the line of command so he can say pretty well what he wants. The biggest exception, sadly, is Kirk, who has all Shatner’s cockiness but none of the charm that let him get away with it. And then almost every positive thing the film accomplishes is offset by the last five minutes in which the recently graduated Ensign Kirk gets given the Federation’s newest and best starship to command as a prize for saving the Earth, Oh, come on! That’s just insulting to the intelligence. A medal and a commendation, maybe, but then let him sweat his way up the ranks like everyone else. I bet he would be a really rubbish c/o to work under. Everyone’s pay would be months in arrears because he couldn’t be arsed to do the paperwork.

On the other hand, I will forgive just about any shortcomings for the throwaway line about Admiral Archer’s beagle.