Monthly Archives: April 2009

Reading so you don’t have to

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Best Beloved is determined that I will one day write a bonkbuster filled with politics, diplomacy and intrigue and sex. She will feed me snippets gleaned from her time as an au pair to a diplomatic family in Saudi, where the shenanigans and goings-on would not meet with approval of the mutaween (which is a pretty good reason for doing anything) and we will retire on the proceeds.
Therefore, strictly for research, I must report that the next title on my reading list is Edwina Currie’s A Parliamentary Affair. There, I said it. A report may or may not be following. Likewise the proposed bonkbuster.
Now off for a week for our annual Sweden pilgrimage where Internet connectivity will almost certainly not be forthcoming. To fill the void in your lives, here are some things you probably didn’t know about me. Why not look yourself up too? You may be pleasantly surprised.

TEN TOP TRIVIA TIPS ABOUT BEN JEAPES!

  1. The Church of Scientology was founded in 1953, at Washington D.C., by Ben Jeapes.
  2. Ben Jeapesology is the study of Ben Jeapes.
  3. Ben Jeapes can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night.
  4. Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up Ben Jeapes.
  5. Ben Jeapes can squeeze his entire body through a hole the size of his beak.
  6. Ben Jeapes can smell some things up to six miles away.
  7. A sixteenth century mathematician lost his nose in a duel over his love for Ben Jeapes, and wore a silver replacement for the rest of his life.
  8. The Vikings believed that the Northern lights were caused by Ben Jeapes as he rode out to collect warriors slain in battle.
  9. The number one cause of blindness in the United States is Ben Jeapes!
  10. Japan provides over thirty percent of the world’s Ben Jeapes supply.
I am interested in  – do tell me about

Ancient and modern

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Ancient: this nineteenth century writing desk brought back from my grandmother’s flat yesterday, already lightly encrusted with clutter. “French mahogany secretaire a abattant with boxwood outline panels” …

and “… satinwood veneered interior with an arrangement of six drawers”.


It replaces a much more modern G-plan writing desk, so while we’ve probably traded down in terms of storage capacity we’ve traded way up in style. It now looms over to one side of our room like a TARDIS with a slightly iffy camouflage circuit. If it was a TARDIS then we could have just landed it, rather than have to manipulate it up a flight of stairs slightly narrower than it is with two right angled bends. A good family bonding exercise, not least for Bonusbarn who was squished against the wall on a couple of occasions but took it like a man.

Modern: later the same day, an Oxfringe do at Borders in Oxford on Reading & Writing Sf and Fantasy. A panel of three – Juliet McKenna, Chaz Brenchley and yours truly – talked about what we like to read and write, while an audience of 11 – so at least outnumbering the panel, always a good thing – listened with rapt attention. So, nice people happy to let me talk about myself for a lot. I could get used to that. As Juliet put it in her email inviting me to attend, it was:

“Essentially, a panel discussion of the kind we’re all so used to via the convention circuit and which so many bookshops/libraries regard with awe akin to someone splitting the atom in their back bedroom.”

Well, quite. Let’s hope they don’t catch on. Mark Chadbourn was meant to attend but couldn’t, which sadly meant I was unable to tell him I read his novel Jack of Ravens on honeymoon and still turned in my review of it on time (the five hour round trip to the Scillies did help). The review was only mostly complimentary, but he’s a pro and I’m sure he could have taken it.