9/11 thoughts and memories

I suppose it was my generation’s defining “Where were you when …” moment, like Kennedy for an earlier generation, trumping even when Thatcher resigned and Diana was killed. (Funny how all but one of those spawned conspiracy theories.) I was waiting at the Frilford traffic lights en route to work in Witney when the Classic FM news announced preliminary reports that a plane had hit one of the WTC towers. Like everyone from George W. Bush down, I assumed it was a small propeller plane that had got off course.

Over the afternoon, further reports began to come in, but I was working in an office with very restricted bandwidth and no radio and so we couldn’t really keep up. I only got the full brunt of it on the drive back home, listening to the car radio.
I had set the video at home to record Channel 4’s showing of That Hamilton Womanstarring Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh. During one ad break, Peter Sissons popped up to break the news; at the next ad break, the film was put on hold and it became non-stop New York footage. I had to wait for Channel 4 to repeat it months later to learn how it ended (though I had a shrewd suspicion).
The next day, Classic FM had suspended its usual programme and was just playing appropriate requests. Someone requested “Lacrimosa” from Priesner’s Requiem for a Friend, and that was the point my eyes filled with tears and I almost had to pull over.
This wasn’t how we wanted 2001 to be, was it? We wanted a thriving moonbase and orbital colony and all the petty affairs of mankind put behind us. Instead, apparently, exactly one American was off-world at the time, up in the ISS and all this was going on below. In the unlikely event of an alien intelligence monitoring us from the Moon, I think the gist of the report home would have been, “avoid.” But to be quite honest, that describes most days before and since.
Personally I think 9/11 was also a Titanic moment – a foreseeable, avoidable tragedy that nonetheless saved thousands more lives than were lost. After the Titanic, ships carried enough lifeboats. Before 9/11 you could have got an elephant through US customs but not after; 9/11 may well have prevented the Great Al Qaeda Nuclear Strike of 2015. As part of the package we also got less than fond memories of George W. Bush, an extremely dodgy war in Iraq, the Department of Homeland Security … but to be quite frank, if we hadn’t had those then we would have had something else. We’ve never lived in a paradise and, this side of the end of time and space, we never will.
Sometime after 9/11 we heard in the office that Sarah Ferguson had apparently had a meeting scheduled in the WTC for later that day. There was a moment’s thoughtful silence among all of us, and then the boss exclaimed, “Shame on you for what you were just thinking!”

Fame and fortune and everything that goes with it

Along with the usual random collections of invitations to bid to write someone’s medical research paper or biographical squibs for a website featuring nude Bollywood stars (I know, I wish I was making this up too), this morning’s inbox delivers the following treat.
“Dear Ben
This is $SCAMMING_COW from $SCAMMING_COWS_INC. [Names changed not to protect the innocent – as if – but because I have no intention of publicising their scamming set-up.] We are a full service media relations company that works with authors, speakers, thought-leaders, coaches, internet marketers, business experts, health and wellness leaders, etc. to secure media exposure for them and their businesses. We’ve taken specific interest in you and your business as someone we’d like to represent and would like to further discuss the possibility of representing you.”
Well, I do have an agent, y’know, but okay, I’ll read further. Nice to know someone thinks I could be a thought-leader, or even a thought leader.
My eye is caught further down by a very promising list of prices. If these people can get me these, I’ll be laughing.
  • Online radio: $60 per booking
  • Terrestrial radio: $100 per show per market (for example, If a show is syndicated into Los Angeles, New York, and Chicago that appearance would be $240)
  • Television: $150 for local, $500 for national
  • $1000 for major network shows
  • Print media: $750 per placement
  • Blog features: $50 per appearance
  • Webinars-hosting and inviting attendees -$250
(Incidentally, are you picking up the vibe that these people think I’m American?)
Except that I then read the bit just before:

“We also now offer pay as you go PR. Experts can join the PR company and pay per booking that we get them.”

So … you want me to pay you $100 to get me on a radio show? In fact:

“Our media relations representation packages start at just $500 per month and guarantee a minimum of 5 engagements per month!”

So I’m paying you $500 a month. My incentive is presumably the carrot you dangle in front of me of fame, fortune and media exposure. What exactly is yours? You’re getting $500 a month, and I’m also paying you for the extra promotion. Why do you want to do anything at all on top of that?
Answer, you don’t. Children, if you get anything like this, it’s a scam. Genuine PR agents take a cut of your earnings: that’s standard and accepted and it’s what makes them tick. No earnings, no cut. That’s how the big wide world works. Sadly, it is a feature of the same big wide world that there are people like $SCAMMING_COWS_INC. out there always ready to prey on the needy.
Like all good scams it finished with a morsel of truth.

“All of the MEGA best-sellers were born in the mass media (Chicken Soup for the Soul, The Tipping Point, Rich Dad Poor Dad, The Success Principles, etc.) here’s your chance to do it in a very cost effective manner.”

Well, yes, they grew big through the mass media – but I promise you, their authors did not pay $500 a month for a minimum of 5 engagements. Or even:

“Reputation Management $250 a month -in which we control the search engine to overtake any negative reputation harming search entries and articles.”

Oh, and on the credit card authorisation form that they so helpfully send, they manage to say “Public Relaitons” instead of “Public Relations”.
Back to the attempts to earn an honest living {sighs}.

Quarterly Report

Well, it’s been three months since the Morning of the Long Knives. How’s the freelancing going?

It … goes. I think.
To recap: summoned to a meeting early at work, told the department was being restructured, warned I was at risk of redundancy, sent home for a week (which turned into three weeks) to think things over. On the understanding that I would be retained to work for the old place for 5 days a month, I took the redundancy and became a freelance technical writer.
Later on the same day as the Morning, I went into London to meet some nice people who wanted me to do 36,000 words of ghost-writing. That was fun, and lucrative, and it kept my mind off worrying what to do next. Sadly that’s now over.
In the meantime I was signing up with various agencies who handle people like me. They were all saying essentially “work’s always thin on the ground at this time of year but it picks up in September”. It’s now September so I’ll be holding them to that.
And meantime – oh, dear – meantime I signed up to websites like freelancer.co.uk and ifreelance.com. I helpfully get sent daily lists of jobs being offered that I am invite to bid on. At first this was almost suicidally depressing; now I just keep getting the alerts as incentive – a dreadful insight into what could be.
Example, in today’s post:
“I will need 500 articles of 100 word length as soon as possible … All writers will be given a list of keywords to write at. You MUST be able to do at least 20-30 short articles a day … My budget is $30 for each set of 100 short articles (100 Words Each).”
So, $30 for 10,000 words.
The only thing more depressing than the tenders is that there are people who still make bids, with persuasive notes such as:
“Respected Sir, I want to establish long term business relations with you because I can do your project and it will help us to develop healthy business relations.Sir, I will provide you high quality work under dead line.”
On the bright side, the 5 days a month at the old place pays the mortgage and fuel bills, so at least I can starve in the warm and dry.
To be blunt, I miss working in a team that I got on with doing work that I valued. I miss my friends and I would much rather have a full time job. However I don’t want one so badly that I’ll just take anything, and I don’t want to have to take a step back: hence, no real desire to return to journal publishing, for instance. I’m a realist and I know that beggars can’t be choosers – but I’m not yet a beggar, and shouldn’t be for some time to come.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s September and I have stuff to do …