Crime scene

All entrances to Albert Park sealed off this morning …

… and lurking beyond the trees we could see men in white boiler suits crawling about on the ground. Probably not the local bowls club.

And here’s why, it turns out: reports of a serious sexual assault on a 14-year-old girl around midnight last night; 16-year-old boy in custody.

I don’t hold with twaddle about contributory negligence, or the she-was-asking-for-it defence, or no-really-means-yes. If an assault was committed, string the brute up by whatever body parts might have been involved. But I can also think of an absolutely foolproof method that guarantees no 14-year-old girl will ever be assaulted in Albert Park at midnight. See if you can guess what it is.

Comment spam

“I was very pleased to find this site. I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.”

I shouldn’t let it get to me but still I do. Comment spam. WHY??

Courtesy of “Oxygen Plant”, the above little gem popped up suddenly in the comments on my recent Wytham Woods post, at the end of a brief exchange on the virtues of the late Robert Holdstock. It’s not hard to spot the slightly bogus aura of the safely neutral praise, even for a conversation not about Robert Holdstock. And sure enough a quick Google search on the exact text produces a lot of results.

I have no intention of revealing where Oxygen Plant comes from – you can do your own Googling, if you like – but suffice it to say it really is from an oxygen plant: in fact, according to its site, “a Family owned professionally managed company incorporated in 1963 for manufacturing industrial gases.”

So I say again, WHY??

Their chairman “is considered as the pioneer and founder of air separation plant manufacturing in India. All other Companies manufacturing similar products like oxygen plant are using Designs & Technology Pioneered by him.”

But despite his obvious business and scientific acuity, he thinks the best way of drumming up business is to spam as many blogs as he can? Does anyone really think, well, I was going to hold fire on ordering that oxygen plant but now, goodness gracious me, I do believe I’ll splash out?

Gaaaaaaah.

10% off

Looking for a good read to while away the summer break? The lovely folk at Lulu.com are offering 10% off Jeapes Japes, the collected short works of y.t. with added value editorial. They advise:
“Use coupon code SUMMERREAD305 at checkout and receive 10% off Jeapes Japes. Maximum savings with this promotion is $10. You can only use the code once per account, and you can’t use this coupon in combination with other coupon codes.”
I have no way of confirming this because self-purchases aren’t eligible but I have no reason to doubt it works …